I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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