Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
