I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
