I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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