Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
