you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
