So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
