yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
