I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
