They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
