my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
