can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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