She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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