I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
