Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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