i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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