8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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