im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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