So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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