Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
