Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
