Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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