I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
