3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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