Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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