R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
