I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize