well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
