hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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