Just took my morning after pill in the library
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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