I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
