I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
