Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
