I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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