was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
