So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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