I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
