I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
vagina is talking i cant
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
