I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
