I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
