I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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