so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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