you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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