well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
