that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
