but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
