So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
