I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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