Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
