I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
