After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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