I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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