At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
